4- DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS WHEN YOU ARE AT COLLEGE

 

“Dania, how’s your college life so far?”

If someone had asked me, I’d simply say it was good. But if they had asked on a deeper level, I’d probably need at least two hours to pour my whole heart into the answer.

 

I remember the first time I stepped my feet into KPTM. Heart thumping, filled with excitement yet anxious feelings. Observed every corner of the campus while heading to my second home (aka my room). I then saw a group of students laughing, not to mention the irresistible aroma of delicious food drifted from the cafeteria, some played volleyball, others wandering like lost souls. I am one of them. Wondering how my college days will be. Will those days fill with laughter? Or vice versa?

 

 

(Can you spot me?)

The first few weeks felt like I’m on a rollercoaster ride. There were days where it filled with happiness. Such as flowers that were handpicked before the sunrise, my smile bloomed. I still cherished the feelings of excitements when I joined the activity that were prepared by facilitators. That was such a fun activity to participate in. But there were also days when it feels like sun digs it heels to taunt me. Loneliness. No one warned me that I’ll be lonely once I enter my college era. It was the most painful event I’ve ever encountered in my life. Most people missed their family, significant others, or their close friends. On the other hand, I’ve been longing for my dear cat, Daisy. One evening, I scrolled down my gallery full of her soft greyish fur that I captured. Silently crying so my roommates won’t notice my puffy eyes and my red nose as a cherry.

“I wanna go back home.”

Those words slipped out of my mouth. The sudden negative thoughts came to my mind as i whispered in my heart, "College isn’t as fun as what people on the internet described how it should be. Maybe it was just a myth after all."

 

          

One Sunday morning when rain was falling, I grabbed my bag pack with my laptop in it and held a pink umbrella of mine, decided to visit the library for the first time. I left my room earlier than any of my roommates since they were still deep in their sleep.

To clear my mind from unnecessary thoughts, I put on my headphone, listening to “Mirrorball" by Taylor Swift. Spent my precious time alone is somewhat… calming.

However, on my silent days, I felt lonely since there's no one to accompany me.

That evening, my roommates asked me to join them eating ramen and watch movies. Without thinking any further, I said yes. The longer I’m with them, I felt at ease. Their dumb jokes made me burst in laughter till I let out my real ugly laughing voice. I still remember all of us shed a tear during eating ramen and tteokbokki. Haha, what a fun night. Oh! Don’t get me started how complicated it was for us to choose a movie. Fortunately, those random pictures and videos that were taken are still in my phone album. Being with them is the definition of happiness.

 

  

Missing my cat was valid, but dwelling on it for days wasn’t good for my mental or physical health. I realized that I needed to improve my critical thinking skills and manage my emotions better. I also saw the importance of socializing more so that I wouldn’t isolate myself anymore.

 

"Umm, my college life so far? It wasn’t as bad as I thought," I said, smiling with half-closed eyes.

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)